I have finally found the strength to admit it. I was 25 years old when I realized that I’m not really a man at heart, but rather a 5.8m long Gatling gun strapped onto an 11 ton airframe. All my life has been a lie but I’m setting that right today. I was designed to kill Soviet tanks. From now on, call me “Warthog”. That’s my real name. I’m having plastic surgeons attach a GAU-8 Avenger 30 millimeter rotary cannon, 540Kg of titanium armor, and two General Electric TF34-GE-100 turbofan engines to my body. Sgt. Major Fairchild said I’m fucking stupid and I can’t be a jet, but I’m beautiful and I AM a goddamn jet. I present to you, the Ugly Early:
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